Self-awareness is an important skill that is ideally developed and strengthened throughout any therapy process. It involves monitoring internal experiences and responding with intention to outside stimuli. The most simple definition involves knowing what one is feeling (emotional awareness) and thinking and choosing to respond in a way that will meet one’s goals versus being swept up by an emotion and having no conscious awareness of behaviors that follow. Self-awareness is linked to a host of positive outcomes, including higher levels of self-confidence, self-worth, emotionally maturity, greater impulse control, and higher academic and relationship success. Here are 3 tips for developing self-awareness:
Develop an “outside eye” that can observe yourself from a distance. This is a classic mindfulness exercise that involves being able to notice thoughts, feelings, and reactions without judgement. Keeping a thought journal and analyzing why a particular thought, emotion, or behavior occurred is a good starting point. Think of self-awareness as having an internal dialogue with oneself and conversing with one’s automatic reactions with a more authentic or true self (what one consciously believes or values).
Do post-reflections on events that produced strong emotions or negative consequences. Cognitive behavioral therapy has a few useful and concrete exercises for breaking down your mood before an event, what automatic thoughts or interpretations you had when an event occurred, and how these cognitions influenced what you felt, how you behaved, and what consequences followed. My favorite is the chain analysis.
Solicit feedback from friends, family, or therapists. Getting honest feedback about your personality, the impact of your behaviors, and your flaws can be difficult and simultaneously asking for your positive qualities and strengths can help absorb what may be hard to hear. Self-aware people understand how their reactions impact others and can modify their responses to more effectively meet a situation or person. I often encourage clients to get information from others about how their words or actions shape how others feel or view them and to imagine the impact of their words and behaviors on others. Self-focus and an awareness of one’s impact can greatly reduce the tendency to frequently blame others for one’s unhappiness or externalizing issues.